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New On Blu – 8/6/19

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Pokemon: Detective Pikachu

The story begins when ace detective Harry Goodman goes mysteriously missing, prompting his 21-year-old son Tim to find out what happened. Aiding in the investigation is Harry’s former Pokémon partner, Detective Pikachu: a hilariously wise-cracking, adorable super-sleuth who is a puzzlement even to himself. Finding that they are uniquely equipped to communicate with one another, Tim and Pikachu join forces on a thrilling adventure to unravel the tangled mystery. Chasing clues together through the neon-lit streets of Ryme City – a sprawling, modern metropolis where humans and Pokémon live side by side in a hyper-realistic live-action world – they encounter a diverse cast of Pokémon characters and uncover a shocking plot that could destroy this peaceful co-existence and threaten the whole Pokémon universe.

Scott’s Take

I know next to nothing about Pokemon. I know there are things called Pikachu, Squirtles, Charmanders, and Weegoblers (I might have made that last one up) and I know there were hoards of people walking into oncoming traffic because they thought they were going to catch some super rare mooboid (I made that up) and to be honest, I have no problem with it. Thinning the herd. Natural selection. Look, if you find yourself in the middle of the woods at 2am, naked, with your cell firmly planted in front of your face because there is a flogre (I just made that up) on the loose, I have to say “NERD ALERT”. I had zero interest in seeing Detective Pikachu in the theatres, but I have zero problems watching it on Blu-ray. It just concerns me that there are some of you out there that believe this is based on a true story.

Steve’s Take

How many of you took your kids to see this one and they asked you why Deadpool plays the voice of Detective Pikachu? Awkward. Anyhow, my son loved it and that’s all that matters. As I’m typing this, he actually came up to me and said “spoiler alert, Pikachu dies at the end. I had a very serious conversation with him earlier this year to discuss spoilers and why they are so bad. Oops.

Kyle’s Take

Tolkien

TOLKIEN explores the formative years of the renowned author’s life as he finds friendship, courage and inspiration among a fellow group of writers and artists at school. Their brotherhood strengthens as they grow up and weather love and loss together, including Tolkien’s tumultuous courtship of his beloved Edith Bratt, until the outbreak of the First World War which threatens to tear their fellowship apart. All of these experiences would later inspire Tolkien to write his famous Middle-earth novels.

Scott’s Take

I haven’t seen Tolkien yet, but from most people I have talked to about the film, it’s a dreary bore. I’ll consider watching this one when I’ve had too much to drink and after I watch Detective Pikachu….naked.

Steve’s Take

This looks dreadful. If you are having trouble sleeping, stay off the pills and check this one out. I love when Scott watches films naked.

The Curse of La Llorona

In 1970s Los Angeles, La Llorona is stalking the night — and the children. Ignoring the eerie warning of a troubled mother suspected of child endangerment, a social worker and her own small kids are soon drawn into a frightening supernatural realm. Their only hope to survive La Llorona’s deadly wrath may be a disillusioned priest and the mysticism he practices to keep evil at bay, on the fringes where fear and faith collide

Scott’s Take

You might not find a bigger fan of The Conjuring Universe than me. The problem is, when this universe expands beyond anything not titled The Conjuring (okay, I’ll give you one Annabelle movie), the producers seem to shit the bed. The Nun? The bookend Annabelle’s? Now we have The Curse of La Llorona and I think the main reason why I never summoned up the courage to go see it was because of the name Llorona. No movie title should have a word that has two L’s side by side. It sounds wrong. Redbox.

Steve’s Take

I’m going to echo what Scotty said on this one. I absolutely LOVED The Conjuring, but everything else has been meh. I’ll watch just to watch eventually.

Poms

POMS is an uplifting comedy about Martha (played by Diane Keaton), a woman who moves into a retirement community and starts a cheerleading squad with her fellow residents, Sheryl (Jacki Weaver), Olive (Pam Grier) and Alice (Rhea Perlman), proving that it’s never too late to follow your dreams.

Scott’s Take

Let’s not mince words, or for that matter, waste any time. Poms looks absolutely dreadful. I don’t want to see a movie about young cheerleaders. I sure as hell don’t want to see a movie about geriatric cheerleaders. No. Thank. You.

Steve’s Take

No.

Batman: Hush

A mysterious stalker attempts to sabotage Batman from afar. This animated superhero film is based on the DC comics book story. It includes a large number of guest appearances by Batman villains, as well as various members of the Batman Family and Batman’s close ally Superman.

Scott’s Take

Okay, I’m not going to lie. Two seconds before I started typing this sentence, I was about to rip into you nerds that are grown-ass adults and still watching cartoons…Detective Pikachu style. Then I saw the last word in the synopsis saying “Superman” and Batman: Hush just became my Blu-ray pick of the week. I can’t wait to watch this.

Steve’s Take

I haven’t seen enough of these kinds of Batman flicks, but I want to catch up on some including this one. I’m all-in.

Scott’s Wrap

Let’s sum things up quickly. Don’t waste your time with Tolkien, LLLLLLaLLLLorona, or Poms. Ease into Detective Pikachu with a glass of Merlot. Just don’t fire up Pokemon Go. Obviously, my pick of the week is Batman: Hush which refers to Superman kicking Batman’s ass until he can’t speak anymore. Next week we only have one movie coming out and it’s the biggest and most underwhelming movie of all time. Yup, Avengers: Endgame is hitting store shelves just in time for guys like Kyle Arango to go and masturbate to the Tony Stark artwork on the DVD sleeve. Just don’t ask to borrow Kyle’s sticky steel book. Sorry guys, I wasn’t impressed. Have a great week you god damn sloths.

Steve’s Wrap

I know I will be watching Detective Pikachu so I might as well make it my pick of the week. Hey, I represent the kids in this weekly rundown. Also wanted to point out that I hate that Scott used the term “DVD” in his wrap-up. I’m furious. Have a great week and get ready for a massive week next week!