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Gianna Says the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Have Lost Their Snap

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Film Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 

By Gianna Doxey

 

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Keep your expectations very low these last few weeks of summer vacation because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have definitely lost their snap…and after 101 minutes, these anthropomorphic creatures were on the slow side, as well.

We have April O’Neil (Megan Fox), a young journalist struggling to make her mark and find a credible news story. Endangering herself in the New York City streets fraught with peril, she discovers four “vigilantes” (a word beaten to death in this movie) who fight against Shredder and his evil Foot Clan.

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Of course, climactically speaking, she takes the story to work where her boss (Whoopi Goldberg), and no one else for that matter, believes her. On her quest for credibility, she, along with trusted cameraman Vernon (Will Arnett), Splinter (Danny Woodburn), and the four reptile brothers who she knew all along, work together and save the day.

Aside from the predictable plot, I have many problems with this movie.

This horrible excuse for a revival is a key example of why Hollywood needs to stop messing with a perfectly good thing.

Now of course, what can we really expect when a big studio like Paramount Pictures takes another stab at a hit franchise? (And God knows when Nickelodeon makes a movie for the big screen, we all watch out), but if they’re going to do it, do it right. Otherwise, quit it with the remakes.

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TMNT was huge for kids in late 80’s early 90’s, and a warning to you all you fans out there, your hopeful night of nostalgia may be ruined by bad acting, unnecessary 3D, and if we’re going to stick with the 90’s theme, action sequences long enough to last two episodes of Friends.

These days, we’re used to the big superhero action movies like The Avengers, Iron Man, and Spider Man, and when anyone takes any childhood favorite and revive it, we expect it to be treated with the respect it deserves, while giving us something inventive and original to remind us why we watched it in the first place.

Director Jonathan Liebesman failed to do so.

And we can tell producer Michael Bay was breathing over Liebesman’s shoulder, as there were too many slow motion shots and just the right amount of lame jokes to pass this film as “kid-friendly.”

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But my main problem was Megan Fox.

This movie cost $125 million to make, but they honestly should have taken out some of the crime fighting and used the funding toward acting lessons for the Transformers star. You’d think after several movies, she’d be able to react convincingly to CGI figures.

And Will Arnett was just weird. One minute he’s making wise cracks, the next he’s wearing a fedora humming “Careless Whisper” in the middle of the street.

Honestly, it was just annoying.

Yes, the opening sequence did draw the audience in, and when Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello actually got some screen time, a few lines out of Paramount’s corporate comedy bit were cute. But by the time Michelangelo says “Cowabunga,” enough was enough. Very disappointing.

 

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