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Scott’s Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013

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Hi all. Scott here.  I saw so many quality movies in 2013 that it almost feels too negative to throw up a list of the worst movies I had the misfortune of watching this year.  But these movies wasted days of my life and just in case the Razzies don’t give these films their proper due, I will certainly give them some unwanted publicity.

Now, like my disclaimer in my best of the year list, there are many heaping piles of trash I barely missed this year.  The list includes such dredge as RIPD, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Texas Chainsaw 3D, The Smurfs 2, A Haunted House, Planes, Getaway, Only God Forgives, Scary Movie 5, and Movie 43.   Luckily, Steve bore the brunt of most of these films.  Below you will find a list of the worst movies I watched in 2013. If you see a movie on the list that you were thinking about watching, you have been warned.

10.  A Good Day to Die Hard

I hated, hated, hated this movie.  I am a self professed lover of all things John McClane and the original Die Hard is one of my top 3 movies of all time.  A Good Day to Die Hard is SO bad that it makes me want to knock the 1988 classic down a few notches out of sheer principle. I mean the poster is even an embarrassment.  Yippee Ki-yay Mother Russia? What?

9/8. White House Down/Olympus Has Fallen

Ladies and gentleman, we have a tie.  I can’t even sit here and tell you which of these two movies I hated worse. They were both so ridiculously reprehensible that I keep mixing parts of one with the other.  I see Jamie Fox running around in Air Jordans and Melissa Leo with the single worst acting performance I watched this year.  Two dumb movies about the White House being taken over by terrorists and coincidentally two dumb kids also get stuck in the middle of the mayhem.  One stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler, the other stars Channing Tatum.  Wait, one stars Channing Tatum and Gerard Butler, the other stars Jamie Fox..Oh never mind!


7. The Heat

I have officially overdosed on Melissa McCarthy.  She was hilarious in Bridesmaids, started to get really annoying in Identity Thief, and now completely unbearable in The Heat.  I’m sorry, I know there are plenty of people out there that liked The Heat, but Melissa McCarthy and I are officially on the outs.

6. The Purge

What seemed like a great idea for a movie in theory, turns out to be utterly ridiculous on film.  I have never seen a movie in which so many people make so many ridiculous decisions as they do in The Purge.  Forget the dumb kid that opened the gate, that’s the tip of the iceberg.  A bunch of mask wearing, knife wielding psychopaths are about to enter the house.  What does this family do? They all split up and the kids purposely run away from the parents and play hide and seek.  The Purge needs to be purged from all cinema archives.  Pure trash!

5. The Last Exorcism 2

I laughed, I fell asleep, I contemplated suicide.

4. Kick Ass 2

One of the single worst movie experiences I have had in years.  It was like watching Party City employees fight each other after consuming bath salts for two hours. Absolutely wretched.

3. Sharknado

I didn’t see Sharknado but the trailer and title of the movie alone made me put it on this list.

2. Grown Ups 2

The opening scene features a CGI male deer entering the bedroom of a sleeping Adam Sandler and urinating on his face.  Read that sentence out loud.  The movie actually gets worse, way worse.  If you watched Grown Ups 2 and laughed and are over the age of 10, you should pay more money in taxes, it’s because of your kind sir/mam that these Adam Sandler movies keep making money and keep getting made.

1. The Host

Probably the WORST movie I have ever seen. I can’t think of anything off hand that comes close.  I have seen hundreds of bad movies and this baby takes the cake. If you saw The Host and you actually liked it, there is something wrong with you.  Go see a doctor.  I was born without tear ducts but about 7.2 minutes into The Host a small miracle happened.  I cried like a newborn baby.  After what felt like 8 hours in a movie theater I went home and showered with my clothes on. I am still LIVID that I had to watch this movie.  Stay away!

Now check out Scott’s Top 10 movies of 2013!

 

Also, check out Steve’s Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013!